


I Need Him

by Stephoki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Dean Winchester, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based On A Picture, Based on a photo, Castiel (Supernatural) Lives, Chuck is God, Dean Winchester Praying, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Fix-It, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Mentions of Chuck - Freeform, One Shot, Photo prompt, Pic Prompt, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Post-Season/Series 12, Prayer, Sad Dean, Short One Shot, church, pray, praying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 07:06:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12206301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stephoki/pseuds/Stephoki
Summary: When Dean can't handle the pain of losing Cas, and he can't find a way to bring him back, he turns to the only person he thinks can help. So, alone in an abandoned church, Dean prays.





	I Need Him

“I don’t ask for a lot. Not anymore,” Dean’s breath fell over his fingers, head bowed in prayer. He’d put this off for longer than he should have, but he’d thought he could fix this on his own. Just like he always did, he kept his aching heart to himself, pushing his emotions into the pit of his stomach until even the though of food made him sick. After all, how could enjoy a burger without thinking back to the apocalypse, when famine had taken hold of everyone in the small town, even Cas. Cas, who appeared in his car, a heap of In-and-Out Burger wrappers in his lap, his lips shining with grease, eyes filled with desire... 

Dean shuddered, forcing himself to breathe; in... and out... He rested his forehead against his clasped hands, squeezing his eyes shut as he cleared his mind so he could continue. 

“I need him. I need you to bring him back to me.” 

Dull gray earth being pounded beneath his feet, heat radiating from everywhere at once, Dean ran towards the light that split this world from the last. He was leaving behind an ally, one who had sacrificed himself so Lucifer would be trapped, away from the Earth. His mind tried to wrap around it but he didn’t have time to stand and replay it again. They were so close, it would be easy to slip through the portal, let it close behind them and never have to worry about the devil again. 

Then the light expanded around them. They were only feet away from jumping through when a blur in a tan trenchcoat marched past, blue eyes set on his target. Dean skidded to a stop next to his brother, turning to face the angel. “Cas!” His chest tightened, urge to turn and chase him only stifled by his brother’s hand on his arm. 

Dean’s breathing was faster, his heart beating against his ribcage as he focused on the church floor beneath his knees, the wood of the pew in front of him biting into his elbows. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. 

“You need to bring him back. There are so many things I need to tell him. He never knew...” His voice cracked, the empty room echoing the sadness in his voice. 

The relief Dean felt when Cas finally came back through the portal only lasted a second. But in that second, Dean could breathe again, a smile began tugging at the corners of his lips. Everything else seemed to happen both in slow motion and far too quickly. He didn’t have time to even move, let alone save him. Dean couldn’t save him. 

Suddenly he was pulled from the memory by a hot, wet heat on his face. Swiping angrily at his face with his jacket sleeve, he stood up, glaring at the ceiling. He did what he always did, hiding his pain with anger. 

“This is your fault! You’ve put us through all this hell just so you could sit back writing stories! After all that happened, you don’t get to just disappear! You left us to clean up after your mess! I don’t give a shit who you are, Chuck. You owe me this!” Dean picked up a long abandoned Bible, throwing it at the altar with all he could muster. “You owe this to Cas! He looked up to you and you never once apologized for abandoning him! If you won’t make him feel loved then I need to! He needs to know I-” Dean cut himself off, chest heaving. 

Hanging his head he forced himself to calm down, hands gripping the back of the pew once more. “He needs to know I love him...” his voice shook even as a soft whisper. 

He didn’t know how long he stood there, waiting for something to happen. Long enough for the shadows from broken stained glass windows to shift up onto the wall across the room. But nothing happened, and Dean didn’t want to believe it. It was only when his phone buzzed did Dean force himself to move, sliding out from the pew in an awkward shuffle. He never reached to answer his phone; whoever it was could wait. 

His footsteps resounded like thunder in the abandoned church, and he watched his boots kick up dust from floorboards. That was the only reason he noticed the light behind him. The shadow of his slumped shoulders suddenly stretched out across the hallway, the light behind him turning the rest of the floor nearly white. He paused, hand going to the blade in his jacket pocket, tensing up and preparing for a fight. As the light dimmed, another shadow joining his own, he pulled it out. But when he turned, he felt the cold metal slip from his hand, distantly heard it hit the floor... 

Before him stood an angel. His dark hair was ruffled as if he’d just awoken from a nap, his trenchcoat billowing around him despite the lack of wind save for a small draft from the broken windows. Then Dean met his eyes, bluer than any sky he’d ever seen, and very much alive. 

“Cas...?” His breath caught in his throat. 

“Dean... Where are we? I don’t understand-” Cas’s voice was just as Dean remembered it, rough and deep and the sound of it speaking his name sent the hunter into motion. Before Cas could finish speaking, Dean had wrapped one arm around his waist, his other hand fisting the collar of Cas’s trenchcoat. He only hesitated for a second before he pressed his lips against Cas’s, letting himself get sucked into his emotions. 

Cas’s hand tugged at Dean’s jacket sleeve, pulling him closer, and at the acceptance from Cas, Dean’s face was wet once again. When Cas’s hand came up to cup Dean’s cheek and felt the tears, he pulled back. “Dean, why are you crying?” 

“Because I missed you,” Dean breathed out, a smile on his lips. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Cas’s. “Because I need to tell you something...” 

“You can tell me anything...” Cas stared at Dean’s closed eyes, making note of how his eyelashes brushed his wet cheeks. He’d never seen the hunter seemingly so unraveled. 

“I love you...” 

A silence fell between them then and Dean worried his lip between his teeth. He finally opened his eyes to meet Cas’s and he couldn’t quite read the expression on his face. 

“You need to know that. I should have told you sooner... before you...” he cleared his throat, about to start babbling. 

“I love you too, Dean...” Cas caught another tear with his thumb, wiping it away from Dean’s face. 

There didn’t seem to be words strong enough to use in response to that. Nothing to show him how much that meant to Dean. So the man used what he knew how, his lips finding Cas’s once more. And as the light from the portal faded, letting them both fall into darkness, Dean sent a silent thank you to wherever the hell Chuck was, for bringing his angel back to him.


End file.
